Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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