So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
