Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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