He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Found your dick twin last night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think your dad took our porno
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
