I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
