My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
