Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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