Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
