You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
