Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
