this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
