I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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