I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
