My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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