I need help removing her.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
