theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
