Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
