oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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