I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
