tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
