My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize