This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
