Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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