yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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