hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
