I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
