I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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