He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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