You work out of a Hotel?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize