Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
