I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
