fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
