you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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