it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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