Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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