I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
