If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
