On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
sarcasm needs its own font
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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