i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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