My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
