I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
