my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
