I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
