i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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