I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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