Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
