I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
