also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
