so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
