Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
