I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
