I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize