I must be too annoying 4 u.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize