the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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