Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize