even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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