she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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