So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
