Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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