yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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