first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize