were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
