I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
