Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
