my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
