Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
