Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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