hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
