Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
