Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
