Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize