So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think I just sharted jello shots
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
