Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
