i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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