Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
