True but thats because hes a fetus.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There r osticjed everywhere
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
