You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
