You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
