return my video game
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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