The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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