I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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