You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize