ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
