I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
