She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
