She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
