if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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