I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
