she woke up with a sticky ear
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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