this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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