what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
