She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
