Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
