i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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