We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
